United Loan Gunmen, an internet institution since 1999

To: OneSwellFoop.com

We have received your communication, and frankly, we don't know what to do about it.
The United Loan Gunmen do not take requests to hack sites, especially from some pathetic little web newbie who wants his own pathetic little homepage defaced.

We have hacked some of the major institutions on AND off line, from Drudge to Nasdaq (Nasdaq was MY idea, the other guys wanted to do Bloomberg, but I said, hey, go to the source!), and we are NOT going to waste our hard-earned internet creds to provide a million dollars free publicity on WiredNews and ZDNet (okay, maybe a half-million) to every third-rate Tripod-er who asks!

Your content is stupid, you've got sloppy HTML, no scripts, bad links, and hey, man, get a spellchecker!
We'd be embarassed just to be associated with your so-called weblog.
Don't try to contact us again (I told them it was a bad idea to get an e-mail account at unitedloangunmen@hotmail.com).

Then again, I just looked at one of your pages, and, hey, any fan of "I.M. WEASEL" is a friend of mine.
Alright, your front page is toast. Don't ask for any more favors.

-United Loan Gunman
today's APR: 8.8%

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